had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
