she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
