Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
