mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
