everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
