I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's paint friendship bongs
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize