she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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