if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
