I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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