you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
