Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
