do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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