he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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