I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
