I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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