I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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