I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dignity is for republicans.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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