You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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