I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
