I want to make a zoo with you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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