Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
