I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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