This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
