so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
