Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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