Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
