i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
