So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
