Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
