tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
