Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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