my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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