i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
