evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
