im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
