she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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