His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
