1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
