After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
