what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
