I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
