how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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