omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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