I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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