well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
