Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
