Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
