We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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