well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
