we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
