Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize