You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
porn star boner night. come get it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
