there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
