You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
