guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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