He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
