two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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