She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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