have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have already put on my inside pants.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
