worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
