I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
