at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
