I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
