It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
