Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
