Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
