my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
