so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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