She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
