you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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