Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
