Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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