Already got asked if we're dating
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
