he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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