eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
